DOUBLE O SPORTS

The fantasy football season is approaching. This year I will cover the illustrious League League.

Fantasy football: where grown adults meticulously assemble imaginary teams, spend more time analyzing player stats than their own finances, and experience more emotional ups and downs than a rollercoaster operator on a caffeine overdose. It’s the only place where your wildest dreams of managing a team of superstars can be crushed by an injured pinky toe or a surprise midseason retirement. Welcome to the world where your fantasy of winning is as elusive as a unicorn riding a rainbow-colored dragon.

Return to Glory?

Let’s dive into the preseason rankings and what led us to today…. After a miracle run in the playoffs, OhioGlory took down the top seeded taco. They look to continue this momentum into the new year with a preseason #1 ranking. Keeping Mahomes and a holdout of Josh jacobs, can he repeat? Hope lives on with upsides of DHop, and d Waller. It won’t be about how this team starts, but where it finishes come the end of December.

The kiss of a rose

With the top 50 player auctions, heads were turned at Roses $51 investment in Bijan Robinson. Paired with Joe Burrrr and Najee Harris, some wonder what the plan is for this team. Preseason ranking of last means it’s only up from here. The potential is strong and this team could get loud later in the year.

I call, I text, I email about this team.

Unknown where this teams name is coming from with such a humble family man, the sluts from Robbins is selling hard in reinvisioning this teams hopes from a year go. As is tradition, many bears and bengals make up this teams roster lead by chicago bears part owner, Aaron Rodgers. Will we buy in for a playoff sneak in again for team as they claimed the 8 seed? Hard to say with draft investments from unrostered Kareem Hunt and practice squad member Cole Beasley.

Drafting for the Army

Rob spent tons of hours this off-season watching YouTube on how to fantasy football. This lead to all the buys, all the trades, and all the hopes. His wide receivers are lead by all the buckeye nuts that he can saquon in his mouth with. Let’s see if he will be eitienne-ing some California highs with the Herbert Johnson connection. Will Rob report for duty this year?

Mats Era

Another man asking if your ready for it? This off season is questioning if it was a Cruel Summer for TSAA. He activated justin fields, went full Chubb, and will be praying to God4wins. Mat now has another year in his tool belt, and hopefully he remembers to set his lineups this year. Will it be joy or sorrow causing the tear drops on his guitar?

Water is for winners?

Meet Jason, a modern-day Hercules who juggles CrossFit workouts and fatherhood like a pro. When he’s not lifting weights or chasing his kids around the backyard, he’s a fierce contender in the fantasy football arena. With a lineup featuring the lightning-fast Tyreek Hill, the unstoppable force known as Derrick Henry, and the dependable Kurt Cousins, Jason’s team is a formidable force. He approaches fantasy football with the same dedication he does his workouts and family, always striving to strike the perfect balance between victory and spending quality time with his loved ones. Jason might be a family man, but come game day, he’s a fantasy football warrior ready to dominate the gridiron.

Unleaded or Diesel

Snuggs, a devoted dad who’s been up all night with a crying baby but still manages to find time to scour the depths of fantasy football wisdom. With bloodshot eyes, he diligently listens to the experts, poring over their advice like a sleep-deprived scholar. Snugs secret weapons this season include the dynamic Jalen Hurts, the elusive Aaron Jones, and the rising star Chris Olave. Despite the exhaustion from baby duty, Sean’s determination burns brighter than ever, convinced that he’ll conquer the fantasy football realm by making calculated decisions and following expert guidance. He may be running on caffeine and baby formula, but Sean’s quest for victory knows no bounds.

Boos from the crowd

Boos passion for fantasy football is nothing short of infectious, and it’s all the more fascinating given his aversion to confrontation. When he discusses his lineup, his eyes light up with excitement. His optimism radiates, especially when he talks about his star players. Christian McCaffrey, the versatile running back, is Brian’s beacon of hope, poised for a comeback season after injuries derailed him the previous year. Austin Ekeler, the dynamic Chargers running back, adds a layer of electrifying potential to Brian’s roster. And there’s an underdog charm to Amon-Ra St. Brown, a rookie wide receiver, as booz sees him as a hidden gem ready to shine. Brian’s fantasy football world is a refuge from confrontation, a realm where his unwavering optimism takes center stage.

A return to glory (Taylor’s Version)

Mark, the devoted husband, number-crunching accountant, and self-proclaimed sports savant, proudly captains his fantasy football team, “Greg’s Lobos,” with an enthusiasm that rivals his love for his wife. He insists that managing spreadsheets during the day is perfect training for tackling fantasy football stats by night. Mark’s team boasts Lamar Jackson, his quarterback extraordinaire who scrambles for touchdowns like he’s escaping tax season deadlines. Then there’s Jahmyr Gibbs, the rookie running back Mark affectionately calls his “financial wildcard,” predicting a high ROI in touchdowns. And of course, the anchor of “Greg’s Lobos” is none other than Breece Hall, the running back Mark affectionately dubs his “dividend generator” because every carry feels like a stock market win. Mark keeps his fantasy football swagger, even when calculating his spouse’s birthday expenses. Will Jonathan Taylor, one of his keepers, come out of his holdout to be traded and rush like it’s 2019?? Could be the key to Marks successful portfolio.

Grabbing the Bull by the Horns

Drew’s team, humorously named “Bullish,” is like a stock market rollercoaster in the world of fantasy football. They score points faster than a day trader on caffeine, leaving opponents wondering if they accidentally wandered into a financial conference instead of a fantasy football league. Travis Kelce, the tight end sensation, is Drew’s golden stock pick, consistently yielding high returns in the end zone. Stefon Diggs, the wide receiver, is Drew’s “market disruptor,” shaking up defenses with his explosive plays. And then there’s Trevor Lawrence, Drew’s top pick who, despite his struggles, Drew still believes will make a comeback akin to a penny stock rocketing to the moon. Drew’s waiver wire transactions are more frequent than stock market fluctuations, keeping everyone guessing what bold move he’ll make next. With “Bullish,” Drew’s fantasy football portfolio is always interesting, even if his investments occasionally take a hit and land him in the loser’s bracket.

The Cajun Three step

Jake, the laid-back Louisiana cop with a hint of “bro” in his demeanor, runs his fantasy football squad with the swagger of a seasoned detective. His team, “Unsolicited Dak Pics,” is a real crowd-pleaser. Dak Prescott, the quarterback extraordinaire, is Jake’s play-calling MVP, slinging passes like he’s cracking a cold one with the boys on Bourbon Street. Joe Mixon, the running back, bulldozes through defenses with the subtlety of a New Orleans parade float. And CeeDee Lamb, the wide receiver, is Jake’s “party starter,” sparking celebrations with jaw-dropping catches that leave rivals feeling like they’ve been served a heaping plate of jambalaya. In between solving crimes and making arrests, Jake’s fantasy football prowess is his secret weapon, proving that even cops can dominate the gridiron.

Cheeter, Cheeter, Taco Eater

Taco, the self-proclaimed commissioner of the fantasy football league, is a character straight out of a comedy show. His team, the “New Jersey Generals,” may seem formidable with Josh Allen, Justin Jefferson, and Alvin Kamara, but Taco’s reputation for “creative rule interpretation” is legendary. He once tried to convince everyone that drafting fictional characters from the Sopranos counted as a legal move. His cheating ways are as wild as a Jersey Shore party, with him sneaking extra points like they’re contraband on the boardwalk. But despite the shenanigans, Taco somehow manages to make the league more entertaining than a reality TV show, leaving everyone wondering what crazy scheme he’ll cook up next to keep his team afloat.

Overall there will be plenty to complain about, dreams crushed, and disappointment when somehow Boos wins this thing. I’ll follow up Thursday with a week one prediction to see how well we guess this damn thing. Best of luck to all, and I hope the turf monsters don’t suck up too many players ligaments and brain functionality.