Just like Cinderella running away after midnight, I feel that there was way too much good football this weekend in order for me to get this all done in time. Today will be a long blog with covering NFL week 3, League League notes and previewing week 4. Buckle up.

Homecoming King and Queen…

Damnit, I was going to award homecoming court to these weeks winners, but a Kardashian level move happened. I blame myself for conjuring a beatlejuice appearance, but Taylor Swift showed up at the KC Cheifs game. I still will not believe the legitimacy of this thing until there is a sex tape or royal wedding on tv. I am starting to hate and believe that there is a Kelce PR stunt happening over the last year plus. The NFL has’t 2 be funding this as I see TK all over tv now, reminding us about the movie Malibu’s Most Wanted. The other reasoning why I still believe in this stunt is the GAYlor Swift movement. That’s right true believers, These songs are not about split hot dogs, but crumbled tacos. All right before we start having nfl Bi weeks if you get what I am saying.

Anyways, I am going to start censoring myself with Linking her witchcraft and with TSAA team name. I suggest you pull a move Mat and ajust accordingly since its spooky season, and I don’t want to have to look over my shoulders or away from mirrors for a swifty coming at me from behind.

Week 3 results

DOWN GOES #1 – Burrow’s broken calf donor out stretches Ohio Glory

The win streak is over for Potter as he ends it at 5 straight wins. (Did Taco have a longer streak in ‘22?) But Robbins showed that his time is now, and he is no longer a bench warmer reminiscing to the impact Jon Mox had went Lance Harbor went down in Varsity Blues. His team showed up finally With strong performances from Chase (26 points), Goff (19 points), and Mattenson/Sanders (35 points). The Glory hole was missing their D, as the Cowboys only scored 1 point. Mahomes torn up the Bears (26 points), but everyone else was just average for Potter. Guess this was a typical teen movie where the jock looses in the end…

NO GAS – WaterBoyz surfs up upset over #2 All Gas no Breaks.

Here is 10 Points I hate about you! While Snugs was all celebrating his upset last week over boozer, he forgot about the other team that has his number. Moorman kept all the receipts and imposed his revenge by getting his first win of the season. H20 caught a thielen this week (32 points) with a little help from his cousins ( 27 points) to climb this hill ( 31 points). Curtis on the other hand thought that he was going to get a big win by throwing an Allen (46 points) wrench into Jasons plans. It didn’t hurts (22 points) enough as he now has to go dancing around school in his tutu (17 points). I guess Jason is no longer a true mean girl as he has completed the taming of the shrew.

A Tight End impresses a girl – #3 TEU marches over TSAA

The rebel rides again as Mat was unable to recover from his lost chubby. This game was like the party in Cant Hardly wait, We are wanting to have fun, but the band that is making the most noise during all of our own subplots is called (Taco) Love Burger. Looking pretty was Walker, Jefferson, Allen, and LaPorta. Stuck waiting to get into the party for TSAA was Love, Brown, and McKinnon. I guess we never understood TEU, as he again is all alone as the only undefeated team left in the league. We will see what hits TSAA can make to get back into the groove of things, as he maybe in a little too deep and could be in need of desperate changes.

Unsolicited Dak Picks catfishes #4 Ra Deal

After Downloading the dallas defense playbook, UDP and the bills defense (33 points) streams himself a winner winner chicken dinner over the smeared mascara of Ra Deal. Jakes Players all averaged around 13 points, which was almost enough to beat Brian on his own. The cruel intentions devised a plan, as Brian was left out to get screwed by Toney (1 point) Being so full of emotions, he said goodbye to his other Tony (Pollard) and traded him away, along with the player he had to trick into thinking that she was all that (Waddle).

#5 I’ve Seen Better rolls a big fatty W on Monday Nightover SaQuon these Nuts

Fast times at Rosemount High shows him scoring enough on Monday night to be gnarly and totally awesome. SuperFlex Watson led the way with 21 points. Rob is still trying to find his way without barkley, but scored a team wide low points in the league. ETN led the way with 18 points with Pacheco with 16! Gotta wonder if Rob is going to send the broncos to the pasture this week as they somehow didn’t score negative points while giving up 70. Rob mostly likely will be attempting to buy the CANNONBALLER of the week, RB Achane (52 points) from the waiver wire.

Bearish paints a masterpiece over Greg’s lobos

NEW HIGH SCORE (I think?) Bearish scores 232.90 points, never giving that nerd Mark a chance. Drew looked like a Real Genius this week with Mostert, and adams each scoring over 42 points. I seriously haven’t seen this kind of effort of guys trying to score since American Pie. For Greg on the other hand, it was some weird science as Lammar balled out, Tua is acting mvp like pre concussion. I guess you need a full team though in order to win.

 

LEAGUE NEWS

 

There is now a 7 team jumble with people with 1-2 records… No one is out of the race yet! (You can do it MAT!) Jason still has a hold on the best keeper with Hill scoring 30.7 points. One again, Najee “Trent Richardson 2.0” Harris was at the bottom of the ACTIVE keeper scoring. He is averaging 5.7 points this season.

Team changes are starting to happen with IR spots changing, trades, and an active waiver week.

Taco is happy to get Kamara back in a prime situation where the backfield is his. Let see how famous jameis gets him the ball vs the buccs.

Drew had all the points this last week, and is now leading the most points scored category for the year with 503. (Remember Tommy and Rob, there is money to be made here) Next in line for the points is Sean trailing by 17 points, and brian by 19 points. But all of these points come with a cost, as Mike Williams continues the every season trend of a Charger WR getting hurt, as he will be out for 2023. He at least picked up a promising new WR in J Reed.

Speaking of Brian… his team is now turning into a Dr Jackal/ Mr handy situation as he is just going through players faster than Mia Kalifia. In the last week, he has added/dropped/added Rashid Shaheed, and Zeek Elliot, and traded away both of his star running backs of Eckler and Pollard. I think the most baffeling move of it all is that Waddle and Zack Wilson is no longer on the team. There is a solid chance that his entire team will be different by the end of the season. 

Rob has used his “strategy” this week to secure two of tacos aborted players in Achane and Mims, and finnaly saying bye bye bye to the Broncos D.

It will be interesting to see who else starts making changes and trades as we now enter the stretch of the schedule where you are getting your one and only shot at certain teams, and the bye weeks will begin to haunt lineups.

League Rules

This hot RB pick up brings up a rule discussion for next year… How waivers should be used. Right now, its reverse standings gives us the wavier order I think like football is in real life. Some leagues do a continuous order were when you use a claim; you head to the back of the bus. I was reading how there is also a Free Agent Auction Budget that can be used. Now, since we are all men who enjoy bidding on men for our plantation-teams, I see this as a fun add on for next year… how desperate will someone be to blow all of their budget on a guy. This creates an even playing field every week, and allows stratigy to come into play. Now we can develop more rules on to how much of the budget is allotted per season, if preseason draft dollars will roll into their FAAB, and if someone blows their entire budget, can they buy back in with real life $$? Gotta really think about this.

Another rule I want to look into is the points that team DEF/ST can score. Yes, it was amazing what Dallas did week 1, Steelers week 2, and Bills week 3, but the scoring system for DEFST sucks. I am mad that sleeper doesn’t have punting points where there is a point that can be given if they down a punt inside the 5! Right now, we have a basic scale for points allowed… this is actually just as the league average is 22.5 points per game and that is the 0 baseline. We give out points for Defencive touchdowns, sacks, INT, Fumble hits and fumble recoverys, safetys, and blocked kicks. All turnover based actions are worth 2 points, and fumble/sacks are 1 point. I would be curious to see what would happen if some of those points changed. I also looked in my test league to see what other items could be scored for DEF/ST… now F yards allowed because its an offensive game and this would result in all DEF getting negative points. The setting I am sure I saw was for 3 and outs… this is a team defense bonus that can be applied. I think that is a strong candidate to happen because it would reward a defense doing their job.

WEEK 4

Well, lets jump into these week without any gimmicks since im running late on getting this out to yall.

 

Tight End U (3-0) vs Saquon these Nuts (1-2)

Favorite TEU -10

While top dog taco is ready to feast on another bag of Nuts, injuries and line up management will really be the story here. Rob is making moves and if his luck is still in his back pocket, then he might have what it takes to start moving up the standings. Rob needs Ekeler and Barkley to be healthy, Achane/Puka Puka Nacua/ and flowers to step up like vets in order for this team to come together. Taco weakness is who will be his super flex going forward with 3 candidates, and how does his favorite kamara fit in?

All Gas No Breaks (2-1) vs TravisKelceAssClapper (1-2)

Favorite AGNB -22

As Mat continues to wander the fields of love, his team is looking for a win with their new band of leaders. Thursday night will be a test for both teams as Each top Running back is questionable. (Jones and Montgomery) Both of these teams have great WR options, so the points will be interesting to see how they stack up. Gotta wonder if Snug’s team will continue to score high, or if this is the week he goes down in flames…( NO I WILL NOT QUOTE THAT SHEDEVEL NO MOORE!)

Unsold Dak Picks (2-1) vs BullBears (1-2)

Favorite BB -14

Drew is loading up a team now that could go off each week and be very dangerous in the near future with 4 members of the top WR group. ( How the f did this happen) Jake can only hope for a solid week from his guys, and for poor management to give his team a chance. I am interested how many of these teams players in the Buff/Mia game will perform. Its sad that this is only a 1 o clock game, not SNF. I might be stuck watching the Paw Patrol movie while this is going on. They are re hashing a tv story line where a meteror falls down, and all the pups get powers and go by mighty pups! My homie Rubble will be getting super strength.

I’ve seent Better (2-1) vs Ra Deal (1-2)

Favorite RD -11

Tyler is hoping the weather changes will empower the AFC north players to catch fire, just like Marshall will in the new mighty pups movie, only in theaters. Higgins and Harris need to be big time. Also, I am interested in how Bijan will fair running for the King on the London pitch. This weeks version of a team for Brian will be asking for a London calling as well as his hit list moved drake to the top of it. Brian hopes that Mostart can score half of what he did as he enjoys Drews sloppy seconds.

 

Ohio Glory (2-1) vs Water Boy (1-2)

Favorite OG -1

This week close projected game could be a real table turner as Tommy is barely showing an edge over Jason. Tommy is looking at the Giant’s duo of Jones and Waller to do something productive, and may need to call onto his bench for new Colt workhorse, Zack Moss. Both teams need their RB 1 to be good as they used to be (Jacobs and Henry) Jason hopes that CJ Stroud continues to be a sleeper of a superflex and score, and his WR room to keep poppin off. 

Burrow’s Calf Donor (1-2) vs Greg’s Lobos (1-2)

Favorite GL -12

Mark really hopes this is the week it turns around for him. Just like new York, he has given up on his jets running backs. Experts are saying though Brice Hall might be back in shape to fix it all up for the JETS. He has 3 rookies starting for him, so you gotta hope that he gets enough awareness in order to get the dub. For Andrew on the other hand, the people of Cincinati are wanting him to return his calf since Joey aint looking too hot. Chase will hopefully be on the case for him, (as well as with the mighty pups) as he hopes that mattison will finally start being competent. Derek Carr is a big x factor as his AC might be out this week, and could cause his team to sweat this matchup out. 

 

UPDATE

 

Rankings and a Trade…

Well Rob and Jason just decided to Fuck up my analysis from above, so I aint re wording it, and it will be what it is… Jason pays Rob’s ransom for a member of the dolphins running back carousel, and Rob adds another Buckeye to his roster? What makes me truly sad is he is saying goodbye to Pacheco. 

 

LEAGUE RANKINGS

#1 Tight End U

#2 Ohio Glory

# 3 All Gas No Breaks

#4 Bearish

#5 I’ve Seen Better

 

I’ve decided that I will start working on a new Computer based ranking system. Stay tuned for that!

Fin.

 

Fall is now here. Football is in full swing, outside feels magnificent at night, and in Ohio festivals are RUNNING rampant. The one thing that will take hold of your household in 12-15 years will be high school homecoming. The youths now adays call it HoCo for some dumbass reason. The only thing that was in my vocabulary in high school that rhymed with that was SoCo. So, get ready if any of you are trying to take out your hot wives in the next few saturday nights, be warned as teeny boppers will be taking over tables of yur favorite restaurants in order to eat all of the chicken tenders.

I started to search the hashtag HoCo to add photos to this blog, but then I realized that them be children! And jeesus, these idiots have no idea what bait they are posting for pedos to look at on the instagram. So, let me take you down memory lane with Dale to remember what Homecoming was like in the 90’s…

This reminds me, some of these matchups are like the classic high school characters…

#1 Ohio Glory (2-0) vs Burrow Calf Donors (0-2)

This match up right here is the battle of a couple of jocks as we got Tommy and Andrew reminiscing about being the kings of high school. They are adorned in their letterman jacket, hoping that they haven’t already peaked in life. OGs are a -12 favorite. Anxious to see how his full team performs when they need to. And not just the D. Speaking of Dallas D, will they be as strong with DB Diggs tearing up his ACL? Ready to see who here is the dumb jock and who is a physical specimen. 

#2 All Gas No Breaks(2-0) Vs WaterBoys (0-2)

This here is the classic battle of a preppy kid vs a gossip queen/mean girl. Snugs got spirit, yes he do, snuggs got spirit how bout you? He’s doing all the school things, and that’s how he is known. Why hang out with him when you will just run into him at a pep rally. He’s also always dressed in polo shirts like he’s in a uniform paying for high school like an idiot. But Jason on the other hand were known for always being in the know about the latest rumors and drama. They were often seen as social butterflies who thrived on gossip. 

H20 is -7 favorites to upset AGNB? Let’s see if there is any magic and points left over from last week to keep snugs success alive. 

#3 Tight End U (2-0) Vs TaylorSwift AssAccustics (1-1)

Interesting matchup that sometimes goes hand in hand. Here is Nick no love that is obviously a loaner/outsider kid. His mysterious or rebel aura and leather jacket clothing lets you know that he is way too cool . His love of independent music is shared with mat, the band kid. Dedicated and creative, mat spend his weeknights practicing for a concert, and exploring the wonders of where a flute can go in a body. TEU is currently -6 favorite without his super flex cleared from concussion. TSAA, everything has changed; a feeling mat know all too well. The injuries could be too much for TSAA to perform on.

#4 Ra Deal (1-1) Vs Unsolicited Dak Picks (1-1)

This dynamic matchup see a more modern clique battle as we have a Emo kid , Brian vs a game streamer, Jake. Brian is dark, just like his soul if he had one to match the deals he’s doing in order to win this league. He CUT ties with his keeper Eckler in order to gain a QB since Zack Wilson might not be able to command his black parade. The only way to level up this matchup is Jake! Please like, and hot that follow button to follow along with his reactions in a bottom left corner of the screen. He has tons of friends, (online) and the stream number to prove it. UDP May need to find a new subscribers as he is a 14 point dog in this fight. We will see if this one sweats RaDeals black eyeliner down to the wire and makes him say RAWR

#5 I’ve Seen Better (1-1) vs SaQuon These Nuts (1-1)

WELCOME TO THE SHOW TYLER! Starting the year picked last, we have some new contenders to the program. Now in high school, I’d say we have tyler representing the stoners laughing at every move that Rob the class clown makes. We thought that Tyler was away in a smoky bathroom jammin with (Bob) Marley, but he’s so relaxed with his team, he is riding the wave of the top 5. Now, Rob knows how to make a joke, and we all bust our guts for it. A true comedian, with his penis jokes, and witty banter. Gotta wonder why he is so serious when he’s obviously the joker. 

ISB is -8 waiting on if Burrow will be risking human sacrifice on MNF, and a new revamped Nuts will look for life after SaQuads. 

Greg’s Lobos (1-1) vs bearish (0-2)

Our last matchup is an interesting one as we have Mark the Geek vs Drew the artist. (I almost gave him a title of the class THOT, but I’m trying to be a family man.) Mark is calculating how he can achieve high points without having to be social. He pulls up his glasses and states with great power come great responsibility! Drew in the other hand is just observing from afar with his sketch book, finding the beauty in all matchups. His love of art may actually be a coverup for creating henti aname peon. We are not sure, but the painting was a gift TODD. The market is high on Bearish with a -11 spread. The Loblows need to find something to return to their ways of old before peters unleashes his Peter and comes from behind in him.

This could be the start of make or break for some people, so let’s see what the games provide for us as these are the best days of our lives that we are never gonna get back.

I wanted to review the documents I’ve found in my research to talk about an alarming trend that I’ve found in regards to injuries and Monday night football. While we watched with a gasp as Nick Chubb had a helmet rip through every ligament in his knee, there was another significant injury that happened during the duel broadcast. Locker room leader Shaq Thompson, Linebacker for Carolina Panthers pulled a Brian boos and had a fractured fibula that will cost him his season. 

This is steaming from the end of the New York jets season with Aaron Rodgers blowing up his Achilles for week 1. If we go back further, there of course was the cardiacs arrest of demar Hamlin on the last MNF of 2023. 

I wanted to review all of the 2022 injury’s, but conveniently they are hidden from my view. There are some cracks from fellow scholars posted in the anals of the internets, but I have 2 working theory’s on this phenomenon. 

THE MANNING SHADOW CURSE.

for those of you not aware, Archie Manning has a hold behind the scenes running the NFL. Archie manning was a QB for the longest time during the 70s for the New Orleans Saints. While tripping on hippy dippy drugs, and being a shitty QB, Archie made love with several voodoo hoodoo womens of the bayou. He was able to steal their devil magic to continue to start in the NFL, dispite being not great. The toll took a lot on his body and began to monkey paw into other aspects of his life that made him know that he needed to retire from the nfl as a player and start playing the league as a evil emperor hiding in the Shadows.

1984 was when Archie retired, but this branched into 2 major events that Archie controlled. The first was small sports network ESPN being bought by ABC, a move no doubtedly approved by a new shadow organization that Archie was joining in post NFL playing. The second was Archie using the first of his voodoo dolls to create future QB, Troy Aikman.

See, Troy was going to be an MLB player when dark forces made him change paths. Archie used his powers as a test to the new qb to see how far a QB could go under his shadow control. Obviously, he was able to puppet his way to 3 Super Bowl wins, several pro bowls, and numerous other awards. This influence from Archie came with consequences to the manning darkhold as the voodoo magic reserved for eldest son Cooper was lost, and he did not make a football difference post high school. In order to return the voodoo back to the manning name, Archie knew that they needed to concuss Aikman in order to end his playing career. As a consolation for this sacrifice, Archie got Troy a job using his half of a brain left to start commentating games. All of these seems to be branching off on to his own until our story meets back up in 2022….

Go back to the end of the 90s, the next batch of manning projects mature to igniting their fathers control on the NFL. Peyton starts off his career with his father organizing his success by growing and growing the manning stronghold on the nfl. Multiple MVP awards, and stat records all being written by the manning name. The visions then materialized by Peyton winning his first Super Bowl in 2006. The power of the curse was real. The next step in this curse was to give back to the source of his powers a Super Bowl win. Therefore, the saints beat Peyton to earn their first Super Bowl.

Not to be outdone by getting his hometown a Super Bowl, and his second born, he must then rigg it up for his baby boy to get a Super Bowl too. Eli wins one. This time, it’s over the one chosen by god himself, Tom Brady. So now, the dark lord manning has procured three super bowls for each of his three children. His reign should be over, but greed haunts him. He must get more

AT THIS POINT WRITING THE ARTICAL, SOMETHING HAPPENED TO ME AS I HAD CHILLS AND FELT LIKE THROWING UP AND HAD THE SHITS. IS THE MANNING VOODOO CUMMING ONTO ME?

We all know the rest where Peyton and Eli get one more Super Bowl, but how do we get to the manning curse? Since Archie takith from the voodoo one too many times, he must continue to feed the beast with manipulation of football. And the best way that he could manipulate it all, was by getting his sons and his disciple of Troy all on Monday night football. And what do all of these shadow soldiers dodo for the voodoo? Create catestrophic injuries for the nation to witness. Thing of the FEAR created by watching a man die on your tv screen? The loss of faith in an entire region by imploding a calf tendon. The anguish of the working class not going full Chubb. This feeds the beast, and gives unholy life to the shadow whisperer of the NFL, Archdemon Manning.

There will be a part two unless they find me on the control ESPN negotiating made with this evil overlord, and maybe a bonus chapter on why the mannings declared war on San Diego. Until then, stay frosty true believers. 

In the Football Gaming justice system, “Fantasy” based offenses are considered especially heinous.

In the LeagueLeague, the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies are members of an elite squad known as the Special Victims Unit. These are their stories.

DUM DUM DUMMM

This week will involve a report of all of the crimes that have been committed in Fantasy football. Being a journalist of integrity, I will only report the facts and understand that those are proven “innocent” until a trial by fellow owners. 

• 9/14/23 – There was an instance of Sexual Assault witnessed where Robbins was caught in a exchange of assets and got completely F**cked. Robbins sent away the preseason WR10 Jalen Waddle and Zach Willson for Jared Goff. While the psych evaluation is still out there, we got to wonder the mental state of Andrew in this trade situation. Was he catfished into thinking he was about to actually gain the next great QB? More than likely he was actually talking with the next Joey Harrington. We will be investigating the predator that made this exchange with our special buddy Andrew in another post
• Taco was under investigation for a ponzi scheme as he traded with Snugs for TE Rookie LAPorta, and with Rob for Rookie WR Q Johnson. Gotta wonder why he is inviting so many rookies to his Tight End University, and what his motives actually could be? Just remember to follow the university guidelines in order to not be expelled, and to gather true consent from other fantansy teams before you engage in further extra curricular activities. 
• There is also a report of cyber theft reported by Butler on Robbins for not being a grown ass man and buying sunday ticket himself to watch his “team” on. You can get the stand alone sunday ticket here (The New Home of NFL Sunday Ticket | Save $50 now (youtube.com))

Let’s move on from these transactional transgressions and to the crimes committed during games. 

#1 Ohio Glory (2-0) out defends #4 Saquon These Nuts (1-1)

• Charges of DUI where assessed to both parties in what should have been the big matchup of the week. Instead, these drunks only played their defences, and Dallas case raced the Broncos D to the tune of 16 – 1. The Texas Whiskey was stronger than the Colorado IPA for this shitshow, and whats funnier is that Rob should have ordered a washington commakazi shot in order to at least have a higher BAC registered. CAnt wait to review what the best ball numbers were to see what would have happened if they played a real game instead of being drunk in public. (Lol Tommy could of scored 211 points to Rob’s 178)

# 2 Tight End University (2-0) vandalizes a beautiful weekend for Bearish (0-2)

• Charges of Disturbing the Peace were filed towards the ruckus party of TEU. Some wonder if the cash bar was free or not for the bearish wedding as some players were either drunk or concussed for their respective teams (Anthony Richardson, Davante Adams). Still for Drew, the venue was decorated immaculately with strong efforts by groomsmen travis kelce, stefon diggs, mike williams, and gus edwards. However, Taco crashed the nice wedding with Josh Allen, Kenny Walker, Justin Jefferson, and MArk Andrews to ruin the weekend and lose the deposit for the Peters Bearish family.

Greg’s Lobos (1-1) stalks an upset over #5 TAYLORSWIFTS ASSACOUSITICS (1-1)

• Mark was about to hold up Mat and rob him from the victory although marks getaway car of a bench was holding some serious firepower with Kyren Williams outscoring his jets RBs 28 points to 1.2 points. How could he do this other than Lamaar Jackson playing a little harder, and christian kirk showing up? By committing battery on the TSAA RB room! MAt was already asking us to tell me why after JB Dobbins broked his achilles, but now David Montgomery hurt his quad, and Nick Chubb bent his knee in a salute to Willis McGahee. Swi will hopefully bounce back, as he prays to Tay Tay and she lets him know that You need to calm down, its only week 2 and 2/3s of the league will make the playoffs.

Unsolicited Dak Pics (1-1) flys high in the radar to beat water boys (1-1)

• While a lovely relationship of two bros seemed to be all great in the eye of the public, domestic violence erupted in the home of JJ as Jnol was able to turn around his piss poor week 1 into a W. Tyler Locket, CD Lamb, and Geno Smith all lead impressive performances to bruise Jason. Jason will need to hope that his sisters will be able to put his team up for a while as this week calms down, and use some eyeliner and blush to hid away the scars of Tyler Allgeier and 49ers Defence. Maybe faith can be restored for Jason by Kurt Cousins, this new spokes man for KFC in the following ad.

I’ve Seen Better (1-1) smuggles himself a win Burrow Calf Donor (1-1)

• Rose filed a missing persons report after week 1 loss for Joe Burrow, Tee Higgins, and Mike Evans. This week, they were found with Higgins scoring 28.9 points, and Mike Evans scoring 29.10 points! The bloodhound Bijan rumbled his way to another big week proving his worth on his team. Robbins team still assembled itself in great numbers, however the wrong permits were purchased as only 3 of his 11 players reached double digits. Brian Robinson had a big game, showing that we too can overcome gun violence to score 28.9 points. I would also like to highlight that Goff scored 23.92 points compared to the Wilson/Waddle sweat shop that counterfitted 23.8 points combined.

And Finally, All Gas No Breaks (2-0) escapes the torture from #3 Ra Deal (1-1) in a nail biter.

• After over a year of investigation, Snuggs most wanted was apprehended over a 16 game car chase. We all know about what kind of scumbag Booz is with Fantasy. While acting all nice and bashful on the outside, but a complete Keyser Söze in private. While the league has turned a blind eye to it, Booz has been Human Trafficking all of these main fantasy players in Christian McCaffrey, Tony Pollard, Jalen Waddle, Tj Hockenson, Drake London, Gabe Davis, and ARA St Brown. However, just was served by tactical forces snuggs called in Keenan Allen winning the CANNONBALLER OF THE WEEK with 31.10 points after Tommy left his top scorer on the bench. The AGNB team did get cited for a registration violation as sleeper pick Nico Collins balled out on his bench for 27.60 points. But Watt prevailed in the end to get AGNBs to defile the odds, (I swear, there was a 3% of winning at one point late) was the SWATT takedown the Steelers did on The RA deals known associate Deshawn Watson. Enjoy your arraignment you fantasy football dirtbag.

Keepers and Weepers

This week shows Kurt Cousins being Jason’s default keeper and having a top performance. Right behind was the meaningless performance for Rob’s Saquad Barkley. Hope his ankle is good. Speaking of Rob’s team, he did miss out on playing Travis Etienne as he cramped his way to 6.2 points. I technically then will be giving the weekly weeper to Swi’s A.J. Brown. 6.9 points (nice) as he was left out of the fun feeling Sad Beautiful Tragic. Update poor Swi went through enough with Nick Chubb legging out 6.4 points, we then turn to Najee Harris who only got 5.3 points. 

Due to time

An investigation I have into Troy aikman/Joe buck requiring blood sacrifices will be postponed to my next blog or a special injury report. 

Thank you for your time this week and always be glad that justice is served.

Welcome back. I was going to plan out an elaborate blog today with a theme like last weeks with Gambling, but life happens. The older Kiddo is sick, im behind on sleep, I had a deep callous cut out of my foot this week, and damnit, ive been grumpy. My wife leave this weekend for a bachelorette party, so I get to deal with the kids all by myself. She will be back by Sunday, and I will watch football in peace. So, my blog where I was going to relate this weeks games to season premiers of TV networks got scrapt. Just like the writers on strike in Hollywood, I don’t get paid enough to make you laugh. However, I may come back with my investigation into how “I call Slut” is not a very known quote from How I met your Mother, but Andrew has already been through enough this week.

So here are some other thoughts and memes

BEST OF LUCK IN REAL LIFE TO ANDREW PETERS.

He is getting married this weekend. As someone who has officiated a few weddings, I have some advice for you.

1. Communication is key – make an effort to listen to your bride.if you have kids one day, you will start tuning her out quicker than when a florida Georgia line song comes on the radio. I suggest setting up a family calendar in order to always know when she plans shit out, and to have a clear time or way that you two talk to one another to give your full attention, (instead of researching what wide receivers you can snatch up)

2. Respect and Equality – You two are now equals. Therefore, if you eat her ass, she should eat yours. If she buys dumb shit, go ahead and get you some dumb shit. Debt is a future you problem.

3. Trust and loyalty – you can never not have trust in your woman. The moment you lose it, better call the repairman since there are cracks in the foundation. You can share trust with the easiest way, by letting your woman know your poop schedule. You let her know where and when you poop. I will also say that also in the vain of trust, make sure you have an easy to pronounce safe word… Pomegranate can be difficult in the moment.

4. Keep the Romance alive – Never stop dating your spouse. When you do, you have a roommate. So, try to take her home from the bar, Woo her when  you get a chance in public, and try to get her to eat your ass. (I bring this back up, because they are stuck with you when this happens. Aint sampling anouther salad bar at this point. 

I would offer more, but you gotta pay for all the secrets. Anyways, good luck and take a moment to enjoy your party this weekend.

Transactions

No trades this week… surprised some people like Jake hasn’t given up and traded more of his players to taco yet.

The first week of Waivers happened, Kyran Williams and his 2 td performance made him the most popular pickup, going to Mark. Will his high snap rate lead to a starting role for the lobos? This was Mark’s only change. 

Robbins said goodbye to Aaron Rodgers, and will roll with his protégé, Zach Wilson. He also finally dropped KHunt and chose one of the rotation RB’s of Baltimore.

Rose looks for a change too by switching out Eagles RBs Swift with gainwell. I really hope the stars align and Swi added swift to his team…

Rob lead Puka Puka to his team who may fade away once Kupp is healthy, but time will tell.

Lastly, Snugs grabbed up the Bears Johnson and moved on from the younghoe.

Weekly Matchups

#1 Ohio Glory (1-0) vs #4 Saquon These Nuts (1-0)

Two Special teams are only playing their Defenses and special teams. I mean, it make sense that both of these men are true defenders of you everyday life, but at this point, you have to wonder what the strategy is. Tommy has 2 Thursday night players so we will see how serious this is at 8pm tonight. But, Tommy also has the hidden card up his sleeve too in order to cross Rob on Monday where he has 2 players to Rob’s 0. No line for this game since I don’t trust any of this malarkey. 

#2 Tight End University (1-0) vs Bearish (0-1)

This looks to be a close contest where Peters has a -2.5 point advantage over Taco. Both Teams now are named differently because now they identify based on what they are feeling on a week to week basis. JUST BE WHO YOU ARE. The mascot of a Chicago team has some questions for their players with Kelce and Adams and Jimmy G all trying to rest up this early. Can Taco pull an all nighter and ace the university program?

 

#3 Ra Deal (1-0) vs All Gas No Breaks (1-0)

The other matchup this week of undefeated teams shows Boos as a -15 favorite against snugs. All of this favoritism could change based on the underpaid ankle of Austin Ekeler. Snugs hopes for his players to ball out, and for luck to finally comehis way against boos. Sure, it’s the tallest guy vs the shortest guy of the league, but this is a mountain snugs will one day conquer. Currently, snugs is holding a grudge against boos’es team after going 0-3 against him last year. This first matchup will hopefully not be about the length of these two, but more on the girth and guts.

#5 TAYLORSWIFTS ASSACOUSITICS (1-0) vs Greg’s Lobos (0-1)

TSAA looks to keep the band together as he is a -6 point favorite on Butler’s boys. Will both of these teams dynamic QB’s, Jackson and Fields, bounce back from below average week one performances and shake it off?

Water Boy (0-1) vs Unsolicited Dak Pics (0-1)

Someone will get a Win! Jason is a -9 favorite over Jake who is thinking his team is currently 10-57. But its great to see Jason and Jake together again. Id imagine their friendship would be one that should be documented by an 80’s buddy movie. BTW, I watched Bloodsport for the first time last night, great movie for what it is. Great action/fighting. Now I could see Jake and Jason in this movie, but not as Jean-Claude Van Damme. Jake could be a shorted version of Ray Jackson, and Jason, while many characters he could be type casted as, would be Victor Lin. Currently streaming on MAX.

I’ve Seen Better (0-1) vs Burrow Calf Donor (0-1)

The other game where someone will get a win favors Rose -8. One of these teams has to catch a break. I re calculated the scores from last week, and with “Best Ball” format, Rose would have beat tpott. I do enjoy this Burrow bowl as you have the team name vs the player. Robbins has spunky players that have to bounce back, right?

 

In conclusion, Enjoy the top tier analysis, enjoy your weekend, enjoy the memes, and god bless football.

This last Sunday was one of the world that ment something in our lives returned. Some may feel it was that nip of cool air, allowing us all to recharge for a busy fall and holiday season. Some may have gathered with friends and family to assemble quality time. Sundays can also be a time to reflect on the workweek, and plan your next week. Some of us may even conjugate to a high power to pray and whatever. However, this last Sunday was the first of many for us true americans to sit our butts on a couch for 10 – 12 hours of non-stop football action! Who had the offseason genius moves that translated to their fantasy game, and who will already give up and trade away all of their players somehow to Taco?

League Lessons

To start off this week, I must highlight a piece of Sunday scripture that spoke to me.

It was in this moment, you should have known you fudged up. Granted, its week 1, so over reaction will undoubtley happen, but man some teams looked like trash. Still in preseason mode were the Bengals, Giants, Seahawks, and Steelers. I think looking at most managers this week, we will see a lot of change happing with the superflex as 2 QB’s appeared to be a kryptonite.

Top Analysis

FYI, I will be writing most of these articles on Monday’s so unless a matchup is close, I will be assuming what happens and just edit it on Tuesday or revise it on Thursday/Friday with that weeks preview. (Updating from the god damn jets when I can. )

#1 Ohio Glory Survives a spunky #12 I’ve Seen Better

Early projections saw one of the biggest upsets of a david vs a giant than the 1932 Emu War. BeeLilJohn has the people of ATL saying YEAH as scored over 20 points! Rose also had the purdy effective weapon of Aiyuk putting up nearly 33 points! Life looked great for Rose, heading to bed after laying his sweet baby down, and giving himself a fist pump in the mirror… BUT HOLD UP, WAIT A MINNUTE, LET ME PUT SOME HOW BOUT DEM BOYS IN IT. The Dallas D railed rose harder than Jack did on the Titanic.

#2 New Jersey Generals of course wins over #5 Greg’s Lobos.

Dispite Tua keeping his head on straight for Mark and scoring 28, Taco’s WR outscored mark’s 48 to 6.10 points. The MNF performance of Josh Allen helped poor on the sugar for Taco’s funday Sunday. You gotta ask what is happening with LaMar Jackson as he said he was going to put up 6000 yards passing before the season. I hope that mark is able to listen to some podcast this week in order to like, review and subscribe to a new game plan.

#7 All Gas No Breaks returns to glory over an excited # 3Unsolicisted Dak Pics

Speaking of text messages, Jnol sends Snugs a tiktok talking shit last week. Luckly, all snugs does now adays is clean up shit from diapers, toddlers, and streamers. Jake failed to have a single player score over 12 points, where snugs had 5 with 2 right behind at 11. Aaron Jones ran his way into top team honors with 26.70 points and was all smiles although he tweeked his buttcheek.

Unless Jake has James Cook go off on MNF(UPDATE: HE DID NOT), you gotta hope for some bounce back weeks coming up for his keepers and Jason’s keeper.

#9 Taylor Swifts Ass Acoustics busts #4 Bullish IPO

With Travis Kelce setting the tone for this team, you knew Peters was about to go down in flames against the Swifty when you look at his roster thurday and saw nothing but blank spaces.

Once again, solid real life players for the bulls, but the fantasy side favored the swi guy . A Jacoby Meijers scored 29.10 Mperks for Mat, while the love train help brought new meaning to the term “The L” in Chicago. (23 Points) Gotta keep an eye out for Mat continuing this new winning tour for him, and check on peters to make sure him and his team are Safe & Sound.

TUESDAY UPDATE

This game got really close thanks to a pissed off Jets D, steph Diggs, and zerline. Andrew loses a close one by 1.2 points. Could this have been the worse thing to happen from MNF?

#6 Ra Deal runs all over #7 Water Boy

Besides his noucense comments over “Jason putting up a fight”, Boo’s team flexed all over Jason’s team. Unless Gabe Davis pulls another MNF … ( I’m sorry, there was going to be a very insensitive comment here on the game and the last time the Bills were on Monday night, but I pulled the joke. I did not want to upset the fragile spirits of the Ra Deal team. ) The 3 RB’s that Boos started combined for almost 75 points. That alone would have almost beat Jnol. Some bright spots are showing for Jason as he had the LEAGUELEAGUE CANNONBALLER of the week. (See section on 1961 oilers) Shoutout Tyreek Hill and his 44.5 points. (Remember when the chargers were supposed to have a great Defense? You got a Bosa, Khalil Mack, JC Jackson, Derwin James, Asante Samuel Jr….) Anyways, Moorman should rebound as long as he doesn’t blow up his team after 1 week.

#10 Saquon these nuts upsets #11 I call Slut

I will have more on Andrews team name, and change this following week, but who ever this team is did not show up to their projections and is looking to lose by 25 to 30 points.( UPDATE IT WAS BY 45) Now, Robbins does have Arod playing on MNFbut the WR of Garret Wilson for Rob should spell out W-I-N for the nuts. (I realized that this is the second time that I have spelled out WIN for this matchup, and I would like to note that this is coincidence and not a joke against the spelling abilities of Andrew or Rob. I am sure that the intelligence level of these two can be summed up with accolades from their 12 years combined of studying at The Wright State University.) Robbins players all did ok, but Rob’s Azz ETN season of guys like Herbert and Flowers really sprung him into a victory. In addition, to think, Pacheco scored more points than Jamaar Chase did.

Keepers and Weepers

As a keeper league, I think it will be wise of us to note who’s keepers led their team to victories, and who’s choices was unable to reap the benefits of getting that great win. Obviously, Jason didn’t need 2 keepers on his roster when Tyreek Hill is getting 44.5 points in Hollywood, but the 2 headed backfield Boos owns of McCafferey and Ekeler may help him sweep this in the future.

On the flip side, I know Mark and Peters are still waiting for Taylor and Kelce to play, but let take a moment to highlight the man who got the bag. Southern Ohio’s hero Joe Burrow just got the bag, got the money that some thought old man mike brown would never have given away to a player, but to keep hidden in a mayo jar in one of his many southern plantations. But Joe got paid, ended his injury hold out, and went out to lead Rose’s team… well I’ve seen better as he scored 3.2 points and remains 1-6 against the browns. The only thing worse for someone is to have also have kept Najee Harris and his 5.3 point performance…

Holy hell MNF update

While this hurts because the packers will not be getting a better draft pick, Andrew Robbins and the No good, very bad week 1 ends with his keeper qb getting hurt for the season on the 4th play of the game. He went 0/2 and got zero points.

Best Ballers

Out of Spite, let comment on the best Bench performances of the week, where if the settings were changed… we might have had a different outcome. This weeks best baller was JNOL. Could of had 128 points if this was best ball. Still would have lost, but it’s the fact of knowing. Still, no outcomes would have changed with best ball so I digress.

The Beat of the Week

I seen this on the internet and I felt I had to share… The song that jumped out to me for week 1 was like a Who song Baba O’ Riley where we are living in the TE WASTELAND . Lets look at the stats of the top Tight Ends preseason vs what tey did week 1.

Kelce – Out

Andrews – Out

Hockenson  8 catches – 35 yrds – 0 TD

Kittle  3 – 19- 0

Goedert 0-0-0

Engram 5-49-0

Waller 3-36-0

Pitts 2-44-0

Njoku 2-25-0

Higbee 3- 49-0

Kmet 5-44-0

Freiermuth 1-3-1 TD

Okonkwo 0-0-0

We all got hosed on the Tight ends this week, but maybe we should have listened to Snugtrodamas in the draft and played Hayden Hurst?

Who’s NXT?

My last section is looking at the injuries that will cause changes, and the waiver fights coming up. First off, RIPIP J.K. All Day Dobbins. Torn Achilles, probs end of playing career for a RB. (Sorry Mat) Might see some pulled hammy causing time off too for WR Diontaw Johnson and Maybe RB Aaron Jones. No other Injuries to speculate on at the moment.

Who will we see get picked up at the wavier time? Top 5 scoring free agents were WR K Bourne of NE – 24.4 points, WR Puka Nacua (Not making this up) LAR – 21.9, Cardinals DEF – 21 points, WR Rasheed Shaheed (Again, not making this up but this is what Y2K did to the baby naming pool) NO – 19 points, and Kicker! Nick Folk of TEN – 18 points.

UPDATE RIP AARON RODGERS. BEST OF LUCK TO ZACH WILSON

Thank you all for reading and playing, and I cant wait to tell you all about TV’s seasons premieres in week 2!

It is time to preview what this first weekend will bring for the LL2.0. Ladies and Gentleman, step right up to the most magical time of the year. Who has the best strategy, who can hold their cards close to them, and hit the end of the season jackpot! Now, it is definitely the time to bluff your opponents in thinking you know what you are doing with any post draft moves (like trading for JuJu Smith- Schuster, or Drake London) How will the matchups payout due to all the teams doubling down on the 2 QB super flex option? Sometimes you got to know when to hold em, and know when to fold them. Let dive in to all the match ups with the sleeper predictions, but first, let us talk about responsible gambling.

Insights

Like Calvin Ridley, Jamison Williams, C.J. Moore, Quintez Cephus, Nicholas Petit – Frere, and Isaiah Rodgers, they couldn’t wait to get in on the action of NFL betting! Ohio now allows for the big game, and asks that you are as responsible as Pete Rose was on the Diamond. (I won the bet for Reds season wins over 65.5 wins) Remember, spreads are hard to beat in the NFL and NCAA, so if you do choose to lose your money, create small units to place on said games… (MY unit is a $1 usually… I lost this last weekend on the buckeyes over 59.5 points… should have known when their QB was a white guy) HOWEVER I have to plug in the Fanatics sports book for a promotion they are running! Bet $50 on anything greater than -500 (So think of math and the linear direction >) and you will get $150 credit on Fanatics for a new jersey or swag. You just have to opt in. You can follow Snug’s link here to sign up and get more bonuses to help feed the children. https://fanatics.onelink.me/5kut/0oqpu9f8

Transactions

Besides the number of trades that have already happened post draft, and the crap that was the free for all of Free agency, there have been some moves in the last week that I can’t wait to see how this will work out.

After Jake dropped him, Wada takes the cowboys WR Gallup after hopefully realizing that WR cole Beasley’s unvaxxed ass was on a practice squad. He is listed currently as the WR3 for Dallas for behind Lamb and Cooks.

Rose dropped TE Dulchich for the Vikings D after not having one for the last few weeks… all that to go from a 13^th ranked D to a 20^th ranked one because of a role player in the Colts back field…. Let see if this nets rosepositive or negative points.

Speaking of Dulchich, he now has a new home with drew for some reason. Same with Van Jefferson of the Rams… more on that in a moment.

Based on week 1 projections, here are the top available for each of the main positions

QB: J Dobbs ARI 13.2 NONE thanks to ROB

RB: K Gainwell PHI 8.4 / G. Edwards BAL 8.4

WR: V Jefferson LAR 10.3 Dj Chark CAR 8.5/ R Shaheed NO 8.5

TE: T McBride ARI 6.9

Weekly Matchups

#1 Ohio Glory vs #12 I’ve Seen Better

This matchup is a lot like Roulette with Rose going against the defending champion and hoping RED 18 hits for a big payday! The top voted team in the preseason poll is going against the bottom team. Speaking of Tops and Bottoms, let us take a moment to celebrate the career and wish a happy retirement to Carl Nassib. Hardly seen a player with that much Pride play the game. Anyways, the line does have this game as a toss-up as each team COULD win. This will truly be a match of who plays whom and which players preform to their projections in an outcome that could shake up the entire season.

#2 New Jersey Generals vs #5 Greg’s Lobos.

Week 1 has the commissioner’s in a WAR trying to see who can draw the better cards. Taco is keeping his cards blind as he still hasn’t filled out a full lineup. Interesting tactic for the generals. Assuming that he adds some flex players, the NJG will then have a near -10 edge on the Lobos. Let’s see how Mark’s rookies step up for their first pro games.

#7 All Gas No Breaks vs # 3 Unsolicisted Dak Pics

Here we have some Texas Hold ‘em as two illegitimate kids of Greg Raymer vow to bluff their way to another playoff season. AGNB is currently the -8 point favorite, but Snugs is known to change his lineup too frequently before kickoffs missing the big money wins just like Phil Ivey. Waiting on the flop, can UDP see his preseason take him through the river to catch a flush? Only the cowboys in primetime can tell.

#4 Bullish vs #9 Taylor Swifts Ass Acoustics

drew now calls Bullshit on his team, where just like his lineup and the game Craps, as he has rolled snake eyes. The top TE Travis Kelce bent his leg the wrong way, and Cooper Kupp needs to get his hammy rolled out in order for this team to compete! TSAA is now a -11 point favorite and has the hot hand with lady luck blowing something. Drew may need a landmark performance from one of his players in order to tame the Anti-Hero of Mat.

#6 Ra Deal vs #7 Water Boy

These two powerhouse teams are showing up with all the bells and whistles like a slot machine to see who can win the jackpot this season. Week 1 has Boosie as the –6 favorite hoping to show that he is not all flash, truly a muscle machine. However, Jason has some players that are more consistent than old people on a riverboat pumping coins into slots on a Tuesday afternoon. This could end up being a high scoring affair where the weekly loser will have scored better than 50% of the league.

#11 I call Slut vs #10 Saquon these nuts

Speaking of sluts and nuts, these guys are hoping to spell out a W-I-N and call out Bingo! This is another close matchup as Andrew is a -1 point favorite looking to get that big O69 to yell out for joy. Rob is wishful for some of his players to get healthy in order to take advantage of his free square and maybe sneak in a big Win to prove to everyone that he wasn’t studying to play Keno.

GOOD luck to all, cannot wait to point out who should have voted for Best Ball after week one, and we will go from there. I expect my week 1 reaction to happen next week after Tuesday’s sleeper recaps. Remember to not bet against the house, and life is too short to bet the under.

The fantasy football season is approaching. This year I will cover the illustrious League League.

Fantasy football: where grown adults meticulously assemble imaginary teams, spend more time analyzing player stats than their own finances, and experience more emotional ups and downs than a rollercoaster operator on a caffeine overdose. It’s the only place where your wildest dreams of managing a team of superstars can be crushed by an injured pinky toe or a surprise midseason retirement. Welcome to the world where your fantasy of winning is as elusive as a unicorn riding a rainbow-colored dragon.

Return to Glory?

Let’s dive into the preseason rankings and what led us to today…. After a miracle run in the playoffs, OhioGlory took down the top seeded taco. They look to continue this momentum into the new year with a preseason #1 ranking. Keeping Mahomes and a holdout of Josh jacobs, can he repeat? Hope lives on with upsides of DHop, and d Waller. It won’t be about how this team starts, but where it finishes come the end of December.

The kiss of a rose

With the top 50 player auctions, heads were turned at Roses $51 investment in Bijan Robinson. Paired with Joe Burrrr and Najee Harris, some wonder what the plan is for this team. Preseason ranking of last means it’s only up from here. The potential is strong and this team could get loud later in the year.

I call, I text, I email about this team.

Unknown where this teams name is coming from with such a humble family man, the sluts from Robbins is selling hard in reinvisioning this teams hopes from a year go. As is tradition, many bears and bengals make up this teams roster lead by chicago bears part owner, Aaron Rodgers. Will we buy in for a playoff sneak in again for team as they claimed the 8 seed? Hard to say with draft investments from unrostered Kareem Hunt and practice squad member Cole Beasley.

Drafting for the Army

Rob spent tons of hours this off-season watching YouTube on how to fantasy football. This lead to all the buys, all the trades, and all the hopes. His wide receivers are lead by all the buckeye nuts that he can saquon in his mouth with. Let’s see if he will be eitienne-ing some California highs with the Herbert Johnson connection. Will Rob report for duty this year?

Mats Era

Another man asking if your ready for it? This off season is questioning if it was a Cruel Summer for TSAA. He activated justin fields, went full Chubb, and will be praying to God4wins. Mat now has another year in his tool belt, and hopefully he remembers to set his lineups this year. Will it be joy or sorrow causing the tear drops on his guitar?

Water is for winners?

Meet Jason, a modern-day Hercules who juggles CrossFit workouts and fatherhood like a pro. When he’s not lifting weights or chasing his kids around the backyard, he’s a fierce contender in the fantasy football arena. With a lineup featuring the lightning-fast Tyreek Hill, the unstoppable force known as Derrick Henry, and the dependable Kurt Cousins, Jason’s team is a formidable force. He approaches fantasy football with the same dedication he does his workouts and family, always striving to strike the perfect balance between victory and spending quality time with his loved ones. Jason might be a family man, but come game day, he’s a fantasy football warrior ready to dominate the gridiron.

Unleaded or Diesel

Snuggs, a devoted dad who’s been up all night with a crying baby but still manages to find time to scour the depths of fantasy football wisdom. With bloodshot eyes, he diligently listens to the experts, poring over their advice like a sleep-deprived scholar. Snugs secret weapons this season include the dynamic Jalen Hurts, the elusive Aaron Jones, and the rising star Chris Olave. Despite the exhaustion from baby duty, Sean’s determination burns brighter than ever, convinced that he’ll conquer the fantasy football realm by making calculated decisions and following expert guidance. He may be running on caffeine and baby formula, but Sean’s quest for victory knows no bounds.

Boos from the crowd

Boos passion for fantasy football is nothing short of infectious, and it’s all the more fascinating given his aversion to confrontation. When he discusses his lineup, his eyes light up with excitement. His optimism radiates, especially when he talks about his star players. Christian McCaffrey, the versatile running back, is Brian’s beacon of hope, poised for a comeback season after injuries derailed him the previous year. Austin Ekeler, the dynamic Chargers running back, adds a layer of electrifying potential to Brian’s roster. And there’s an underdog charm to Amon-Ra St. Brown, a rookie wide receiver, as booz sees him as a hidden gem ready to shine. Brian’s fantasy football world is a refuge from confrontation, a realm where his unwavering optimism takes center stage.

A return to glory (Taylor’s Version)

Mark, the devoted husband, number-crunching accountant, and self-proclaimed sports savant, proudly captains his fantasy football team, “Greg’s Lobos,” with an enthusiasm that rivals his love for his wife. He insists that managing spreadsheets during the day is perfect training for tackling fantasy football stats by night. Mark’s team boasts Lamar Jackson, his quarterback extraordinaire who scrambles for touchdowns like he’s escaping tax season deadlines. Then there’s Jahmyr Gibbs, the rookie running back Mark affectionately calls his “financial wildcard,” predicting a high ROI in touchdowns. And of course, the anchor of “Greg’s Lobos” is none other than Breece Hall, the running back Mark affectionately dubs his “dividend generator” because every carry feels like a stock market win. Mark keeps his fantasy football swagger, even when calculating his spouse’s birthday expenses. Will Jonathan Taylor, one of his keepers, come out of his holdout to be traded and rush like it’s 2019?? Could be the key to Marks successful portfolio.

Grabbing the Bull by the Horns

Drew’s team, humorously named “Bullish,” is like a stock market rollercoaster in the world of fantasy football. They score points faster than a day trader on caffeine, leaving opponents wondering if they accidentally wandered into a financial conference instead of a fantasy football league. Travis Kelce, the tight end sensation, is Drew’s golden stock pick, consistently yielding high returns in the end zone. Stefon Diggs, the wide receiver, is Drew’s “market disruptor,” shaking up defenses with his explosive plays. And then there’s Trevor Lawrence, Drew’s top pick who, despite his struggles, Drew still believes will make a comeback akin to a penny stock rocketing to the moon. Drew’s waiver wire transactions are more frequent than stock market fluctuations, keeping everyone guessing what bold move he’ll make next. With “Bullish,” Drew’s fantasy football portfolio is always interesting, even if his investments occasionally take a hit and land him in the loser’s bracket.

The Cajun Three step

Jake, the laid-back Louisiana cop with a hint of “bro” in his demeanor, runs his fantasy football squad with the swagger of a seasoned detective. His team, “Unsolicited Dak Pics,” is a real crowd-pleaser. Dak Prescott, the quarterback extraordinaire, is Jake’s play-calling MVP, slinging passes like he’s cracking a cold one with the boys on Bourbon Street. Joe Mixon, the running back, bulldozes through defenses with the subtlety of a New Orleans parade float. And CeeDee Lamb, the wide receiver, is Jake’s “party starter,” sparking celebrations with jaw-dropping catches that leave rivals feeling like they’ve been served a heaping plate of jambalaya. In between solving crimes and making arrests, Jake’s fantasy football prowess is his secret weapon, proving that even cops can dominate the gridiron.

Cheeter, Cheeter, Taco Eater

Taco, the self-proclaimed commissioner of the fantasy football league, is a character straight out of a comedy show. His team, the “New Jersey Generals,” may seem formidable with Josh Allen, Justin Jefferson, and Alvin Kamara, but Taco’s reputation for “creative rule interpretation” is legendary. He once tried to convince everyone that drafting fictional characters from the Sopranos counted as a legal move. His cheating ways are as wild as a Jersey Shore party, with him sneaking extra points like they’re contraband on the boardwalk. But despite the shenanigans, Taco somehow manages to make the league more entertaining than a reality TV show, leaving everyone wondering what crazy scheme he’ll cook up next to keep his team afloat.

Overall there will be plenty to complain about, dreams crushed, and disappointment when somehow Boos wins this thing. I’ll follow up Thursday with a week one prediction to see how well we guess this damn thing. Best of luck to all, and I hope the turf monsters don’t suck up too many players ligaments and brain functionality.